Darth Vader Advocates for City Surveillance Cameras to Track Rebels and Exes

Darth Vader, the infamous Sith Lord and former Jedi Knight from the Star Wars universe, made headlines at a recent San Diego city council meeting by expressing his support for Flock surveillance cameras.

During the Public Safety and Livable Neighborhoods Committee meeting on August 19, Vader, donning his iconic black cape and helmet, took to the podium, his heavy breathing echoing through the chamber. He spoke for nearly two minutes, advocating for the expansion of Flock surveillance technology throughout the city. He claimed that the “Emperor” (likely referring to Palpatine) is a supporter of Flock and emphasized the need to utilize these technologies to monitor the movements of “rebel scum” as they transition from playgrounds to pools and gyms.

Vader stated, “Because we all know that the Flock cameras are not only following the license plate readers; they are following children. They are following children in parks and gymnasiums, and we need this. I need this so I can stalk my ex-girlfriend.”

Flock cameras, which Vader endorsed, are becoming increasingly common in major cities across the country, thanks to a private surveillance company. These cameras are marketed to various organizations, including law enforcement, for recording and identifying vehicles, license plates, individuals, and even audio. The data collected is stored and can be cross-referenced with other databases to track people and vehicles.

While these cameras are promoted as tools for crime deterrence and resolution, many individuals and community groups have raised concerns about their implications, arguing that they contribute to a surveillance state where citizens’ movements are constantly monitored. In San Diego, activists have been vocal against the implementation of Flock cameras, but the city proceeded to sign a new contract with the company late last year.

Vader continued his address by urging the council to enhance their “Jedi mind tricks” to convince the public that law enforcement is more compassionate, while also cautioning against reminding citizens of the recent measures that have effectively criminalized homelessness. He remarked, “Which is good. Now we can fill our jails with free prison labor, especially like that of the Otay Mason Detention Center, where they are making $1 a day for working for 12 hours, and there have been multiple cases of tuberculosis. Yes, and this is good. This is what the Emperor needs.”

This comment likely alludes to a 2023 ban on homeless camping enacted by the San Diego City Council, as well as reports detailing the dire conditions at the Otay Mason Detention Center.

Vader wrapped up his speech by reiterating that Flock cameras would assist the Empire in locating “Luke Skywalker” and uncovering the hidden base of the rebels on Hoth. After the meeting, he vanished and has not been available for further comments, presumably having returned to the Death Star to gather insights from the surveillance state he just endorsed, all in the name of ruling the Galactic Empire with an iron fist.